REFLECTION: Living Love through The Practice of DEEP LISTENING

I have been approaching this month's congregational theme, The Practice of DEEP LISTENING, with some degree of discomfort. I am keenly aware that listening is something I do not do well enough.

It is challenging for me to listen well because I often have a "monkey mind" – a mind filled with noise and worry. The term "monkey-mind" derives from Chinese and Japanese words that translate to "heart-mind monkey," a Buddhist concept that describes a lack of control over one's thoughts, because the mind is restless or capricious. Such an overactive mind cannot listen well.

Deep listening is a spiritual act. "The first duty of love is to listen," wrote existentialist philosopher Paul Tillich, an influential 20th Century theologian. Instead of listening, a "monkey mind" is often lost in internal dialogue, followed by spoken output. But much wisdom can be lost that way. "When you talk," says the Dalai Lama, "you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new."

You might recognize some monkey-mind habits. When I am participating in a circle going around so that each can share, I sometimes find myself more concerned about what I am going to say when it's my turn to speak, rather than listening to those sharing before me. That error robs us of the opportunity to live love together. Author David Augsburger writes, "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable."

Here's another example. When we listen to someone sharing a deep-soul experience, how often do we immediately share a similar experience of our own? "Sainthood emerges," writes author Andrew V. Mason, "when you can listen to someone's tale of woe and not respond with a description of your own."

Another monkey-mind habit is to interrupt. Author Dianne Schilling points out that "Interrupting sends a variety of messages," such as: "I'm more important than you are"; "What I have to say is more interesting, accurate, or relevant"; "This isn't a conversation, it's a contest, and I'm going to win."  

My sense is that my mind – perhaps yours too? – is often like a two-way radio. There's a "create/send" mode and there's a "receive" mode. Those two modes rarely operate simultaneously, and it's easy to spend more time creating and sending than receiving.

This month's deep listening theme reminded me of a deep-breathing meditation practice I engaged in for many years. Before starting, I would consider a life challenge that had many unanswered questions. Then I would settle into a meditation space and begin breathing in deeply and holding, then letting the air escape from my lungs slowly and completely. I would then fill my lungs again, expanding to maximum capacity. After several rounds of such breathing, I would reach a space wherein my breathing paused completely. In that in-between space, my overactive mind would go from send mode to receive; slowly I would begin to "hear" answers to my questions. A still, small voice would speak, filling the void…a voice seemingly coming both from deep within and without. Mind you, I often did not like the answers that that voice provided, but they always turned out to be more meaningful and loving ways to respond to the questions I had posed.

For the deep soul work that characterizes the Days of Awe – these holy days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur – I am grateful that the theme of Deep Listening has reminded me of my former meditation practice. My intention is to return to that practice, and to use it to examine the places where I fall short, so that I can choose paths that are more loving in the year ahead.

As we live love together this month through The Practice of Deep Listening, perhaps this theme will lead you on a similar path of self-examination and renewal. What spiritual practice will help you do that?

Seeking more inspiration and wisdom about The Practice of DEEP LISTENING? Check out this month’s Soul Matters Overview, and the complete Practice of DEEP LISTENING ministry guide.