REFLECTION: Living Love through The Practice of REPAIR

During the current congregational year, the folks at the Soul Matters Sharing Circle are encouraging us to live love more deeply through a variety of practices. For the month of November, our congregation is doing so through The Practice of REPAIR.

The word "repair" comes to us from Old French – "re" meaning back, and "pararer" meaning to make ready. "Repair can be a way of making ourselves or parts of our lives ready for whatever comes next," Soul Matters explains.

I can understand why this theme was chosen for November. As I write these words, Election Day has not yet arrived, but the tension around this presidential election has been felt for months, and the repercussions are likely to continue for a long time to come. Regardless of the election's outcome, we will need to repair the deep rifts that exist in the fabric of our civil society. And we will need to do that work while still repairing the deep damage done by the extended worldwide pandemic, which has changed so many aspects of our lives.

Drilling down from the national to the local level, we recognize that our beloved congregation continues to be deeply engaged in a years-long process of repair. The pressures we experienced together – the pandemic, sudden and deep staffing changes, and major building renovations – have taken their toll. And as we continue to drill down to a more personal level, we admit to how repair may be needed in our family and personal relationships.

Engaging in repair is never easy. If I am going to repair something about my life, that means I must experience and tell the truth about it fully, so that what has been broken can be healed. My usual way of dealing with pain has been to bury and forget it, acting as if it never happened. But forgetting may not be the best way to repair pain:

"It's not forgetting that heals. It's remembering."

– Amy Greene

This reflection is beginning to sound a bit depressing. The need for repair means something has been broken and caused hurt, and remembering pain is itself painful. Wouldn't we all love to reverse the damage and restore things to the way they were? The problem is that repair never puts things back exactly the same way, just like Humpty Dumpty. Repair requires us to let go of our longings for the way things were so that we can begin again in love, creating a new story together. But the good news is that the process of repair can allow us to grow, often in surprising and powerful ways.

"Nobody escapes being wounded," writes author Henri J. M. Nouwen. "We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not 'How can we hide our wounds?' so we don't have to be embarrassed but 'How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?' When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.”

Engaging in the practice of repair can offer light and love upon which we can focus. The lyrics of Leonard Cohen's "Anthem" offer us a glimpse of the light that can be created when our lives are cracked open:

"Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack, a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in

…

"Every heart, every heart

To love will come

But like a refugee…."

The grief that must be experienced when we engage in repair cracks us open, much like a snake shedding its old skin. At the end of the process, we are simply not the same as when we started. And most important of all, our broken hearts enable us to expand, connecting to the pain of others so we can help them through their grief.

None of this is easy, but it is very much the nature of our existence: grief and pain are interwoven with joy. Poet William Blake's words come to mind:

"It is right it should be so;

Man was made for joy and woe;

And when this we rightly know,

Thro' the world we safely go.

"Joy and woe are woven fine,

A clothing for the soul divine.

Under every grief and pine

Runs a joy with silken twine."

Alas, we tend to be an impatient lot, wanting to "transform ourselves and the world" – just as quickly as possible, please. But repair takes time. And it takes collective effort.

Recognizing the time and effort repair requires is why Kyoko Kimura Morgan started Origami for Africa. Based on the Japanese tradition of making 1000 cranes for someone who is ill, Morgan's program teaches poor African children origami, so they can learn how to repair errors, building upon them to create something new.

"[O]ur situation can transform," Morgan says. "When you have a sad memory, it's a scar that remains in your heart. … [I]t's the same as paper: once you crease it…it never goes away, but you can use that line to make another shape. So in a way, it's necessary to have that line.

"The paper is a metaphor for life," she continues. "If everybody does a little bit, we can make a difference. Not one person doing 1000 cranes, but if there are 100 people, it's only ten each. …[W]e can make the world better [with a] collective effort. … Every day, little by little." (One Thousand Cranes is a heart-warming video in which Kyoko Kimura Morgan talks about Origami for Africa.)

On Repentance and Repair, a book authored by Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg that was selected as the UUA's 2023-2024 Common Read, explores repentance, atonement, forgiveness, and repair from harm. Discussion materials applied her ideas to three different aspects of Repentance and Repair – in our lives and relationships; in our covenanted communities; and to transform our world. We are indeed fortunate that our Unitarian Universalist religious tradition holds Repair as a spiritual concept that aims to mend broken things and people, and restore them to health. The Practice of Repair is something we UUs do together, for which I am grateful.

"Rarely, if ever, are any of us healed in isolation.

Healing is an act of communion."

– bell hooks

Seeking more inspiration and wisdom about The Practice of REPAIR? Check out this month’s Soul Matters Overview, and the complete Practice of REPAIR ministry guide.